There has been a huge surge of interest in spanking since the publication of 50 Shades of Grey hit the market. Previously it has been a taboo subject and only real thought of sexually by those in the Dom/Sub community but E L James has brought spanking more mainstream and acceptable in the suburbs.
On a physical level spanking increases blood flow to the bottom creating wonderful sensations, in some case erotic pain thus increased arousal but its the mental stimulation that a good spanking can give that gets us salivating and wanton for.
Spanking is a fabulous way to get things spiced up in and out if the bedroom. For some its about the sensations, the bitter sweet mixture of a little pain and the rewards of the caressing between spanks on the sensitive glowing cheeks that are radiating heat. If the erotic pain is a pleasure spanking can become about pushing boundaries, taking more each time, longer, harder. The opportunity to explore your submissive side, surrendering yourself to the care of another or taking the punishment for being naughty can have the mind working overtime, its a great way engage in role play as well has making things spicier than a vindaloo!
How do I suggest spanking to my partner?
Wether you want to give or receive asking your partner to do something for the first time can be daunting, fear if rejection or ridicule can be too much but consider how you would feel if your partner asked you. In a solid relationship your partner will listen and if possible accommodate desires within reason so keep it reasonable and explain what sparked the interest so they feel reassured.
You could leave a book mark in your copy of 50 Shades of Grey at a spanking scene or watch a film such as Secretary or A Dangerous Method to test there reaction and whisper you would love to try it. Or perhaps playfully set a challenge “if you aren’t dressed before the taxis arrives you will be getting a spanked bottom as soon as we walk back in the door” this sets the scene and allows them to intentionally fail and earn the spanking.
If its your first time spanking keep it gentle and fun, build up and listen to how your partner responds. when you want to up the stakes try using a score, spank them and ask “what number is that between 1 and 10, 9 is as hard as you can take and 10 is a limit I won’t cross”. Keep checking what the score is as sensitivity increases as the bottom reddens so what was a 7 can quickly become a 10, you can even make the score part of the ritual.
As for how many spanks to give this will vary on mood and for us ladies time of month as this can make our skin more sensitive. Get your partner to choose how many “how many spanks do you think you deserve” let’s say the reply “10” once they had been given ask “do you think you are sorry enough or need 5 more” if they want more they can play along.
When a little more experience try games like getting them to throw 3 dice and times the top 2 scores or come up with some other random way, bingo balls is a fun one that makes for bigger numbers.
Having foreplay before you play is important and not necessarily physical foreplay but mood setting, maybe texting and whispering what a naughty girl or boy they have been. The higher your arousal the higher your threshold for erotic pain.
It doesn’t just have to be over the knee for a spanking but this is a great position for close contact. Bent over a chair, table or kitchen bench can fuel the mind and make for a wonderful position for receiving punishment and for the more experienced bent touching toes or stood facing the wall, perhaps tied and blindfolded can be hugely erotic as it increases your vulnerability.
Make sure you give each other feedback especially for the first few times, hopefully some feedback will be visible to each other as arousal increases but don’t assume that just because your partner isn’t hard or wet they aren’t enjoying it.
What tools to use? Barehand spanking is the easiest place to start but if you are both enjoying it invest in some tools that will broaden and enhance your play.
This can be used gently, not just on the bottom, breasts, genitals, thighs are also receptive to light spanking. Try a little target practice first on a pillow and remember to NEVER strike the lower back as this can be very painful and cause damage. As confidence grows increase the strike intensity but do this carefully and avoid going straight for a hard strike unless you want the raw sting and welts.
This can deliver a gentle warming through to a tear inducing sting, great for role play scenarios and a relatively cheap toy to purchase.
Depending on what sort of flogger these can be gentle licks through to a thud that lifts the entire bum cheek. Choose a shorter length and soft fabrics like suede or rubber to start with and build to the longer more dense floggers as your hunger for spanking increases.
If an absolute beginner in spanking stay away from whips as these require accuracy of a strike and the sensations are more at the upper end of the pain scale. For those experienced the whip can deliver a satisfying deep sting and leave marks.
As with the flogger choose a shorter one and opt for softer materials when starting, these give similar sensations as barehand spanking so a great alternative for those that want to give a prolonged span king but know their hand will tire before their partners need for a spanking.
With any new spanking implement use the number score so you can understand how it feels.
Try adding other sensation such as ice or feathers on the tender sensitive skin, the spanking amplifies the nerves and makes even just blowing on the skin a mind blowing feeling.
Avoiding leaving marks
Warming up to a thorough spanking will help avoid bruising being left and the more you engage in spanking the less you will mark. Avoid individual hard strikes, intensity can be achieved by lots of medium strikes in a short period. Use ice afterwards or for those brave enough tiger balm rubbed on afterwards can avert any tell take marks.
After any intense or different sexual experience make time for intimate holding afterwards and share how it felt, let your partner know the best parts or how you want things different next time. Spending those moments close and listening will help your sex life to grow stronger and if you want to push limits it helps you do this positively for both partners.
And don’t forget to kiss it better afterwards!